Category: Life as I know it

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Cherish the days

That’s going to be my next tattoo. My grandma always says that to me, and I have it in her handwriting. It’s going to run vertically along my line of sea turtles for the kids. When I get around to it…

Fully the past decade of my life has been spent preparing for, having, and raising babies. And yes, I still consider the twins babies, even though they’ve turned 2. They don’t speak in complete sentences; they can’t dress themselves; they can’t make me a cocktail; and they still poop in their pants without warning. Definitely still babies.

But, since they are now 2, I’ve begun to wake up a little and see the world around me again not just as a pregnant/new mom, but as a regular person. And lately, that, unfortunately, has put me in a frequent state of comparison – houses, travels, other ways of and standings in life in general. Materialistic and superficial, yes, I am well aware, but it happens nonetheless.

There is a particular street in our village that is my absolute dream – the homes are enormous, the yards are equally huge and immaculate, it looks like you’re in a forest, and it feels about 8 million miles away from our area, when in reality we’re roughly a mile apart. I told Ryan maybe someday we can sell both our houses and look for a spread over there. Even that would probably still be a stretch.

I think comparing oneself and life to others is fairly common, but it just gets so damn annoying. I know I’ve said this here before, but as far back as I can remember I’ve always felt just a little different than everyone else, always just kind of out of place. I’ve never been able to place why, and it’s odd how many times people say “Me, too!” when I say that because I’ve always looked at everyone else as being the “they” with whom I and others compare ourselves. So to hear people say they’ve felt the exact same way and know exactly what I’m talking about seems crazy to me. I’d love to walk through every single day thinking my space in this world is absolutely perfect, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, and there’s not one thing else I should be doing, but that’s easier said than done when we’re constantly surrounded by massive amounts of wealth that will probably always make me feel “less than,” no matter how happy I am. And I am, actually, truly happy. Just wondering, that’s all. Does a little comparison ever completely end? Is it human nature, or am I just weird?

A friend said to me the other night that he admires how I’m always going through life with a smile. I was completely surprised, yet flattered, and said well how am I supposed to be, angry at all the “could have beens” all the time? I feel like it’s better to go through life not just looking at the cup as being half full but having that half full part be overflowingly full. Sure I could’ve stayed in NYC, been a multi-multi-millionaire by now, and be living in a ridiculously expensive luxury penthouse in Manhattan, but I didn’t. I knew there was no way Ryan would have stayed out there permanently, I didn’t really want to either, it would have been impossible to raise a family there the way we’re raising ours, and I honestly hated my job more than just about anything I’ve ever hated in my life. I realized the second I started working out there that everyone around me cared solely about money, and that’s not me. There is SO much more to life that they were constantly missing. Having money is definitely a good thing, but it’s not the only thing.

And without me and Ryan being us, none of our kids would be here; and they pretty much are my life. Yes we live in a too-small house with too many kids and we don’t get to do everything that everyone else gets to do or go everywhere that everyone else gets to go or have everything that everyone else gets to have, but they don’t get to have our kids and the love and fun we have with them, either. Our 5 children are healthy, they’re happy, they have fun in the now and the everyday, they don’t really want for anything, and for that simple fact I am so grateful. So that’s why I smile. Because although it isn’t much right now to most people, it’s everything to me. It’s mine. It’s the “what is,” not “what should be.” I really do cherish the days with my whole heart.

And when our house is finally done, it will be practically double the size it is now. The kids will be able to run upstairs to their room, something I’ve always wanted in a home. I am fully aware that the size of one’s house is not the be-all and end-all in life, but with a family of 7, a little more breathing room will be nice.

All right, there are my mind’s ramblings for the day. Sorry it’s not a post full of pictures of the kids again, but it’s good to let my brain dump every once in a while. I used to do that all the time on here, but then we had all those kids mentioned above and life filled up and the house filled up and so did my head. Don’t worry, it’s slowly starting to come back to normal. Then watch out, Dream Drive, here we come! Just kidding, I’ll just be over here arranging furniture in our new upstairs instead. 😉

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2020 ~ The next 10…

It didn’t dawn on me until just a couple weeks ago that ringing in 2020 will not only start a new year but a whole new decade. What?! For some reason, that struck me hard. Woah, a new decade! It sounds so… big.

So then I started reflecting, something I rarely have time to do. The 2010s were pretty significant for me:

  • I started them at 30 years old; I’m ending them at 40.
  • I started them pregnant with our first child; I’m ending them with my pregnancies behind me.
  • We started them with 0 kids; we’re ending them with 5.
  • I started them having no clue what it meant to be a parent; I’m ending them as a pretty confident one.
  • I started them thinking having kids meant simply adding a baby to your family; I’m ending them knowing exactly how life changing having kids is. You’d better be prepared.
  • I started them working full time in the world of Wall St.; I’m ending them not working full time again for quite awhile, possibly ever. And definitely not in that arena; once I have the need/desire/time to go back to more time-consuming work, I will be looking for more freelance opportunities in my current editing field.
  • I started them putting myself first in pretty much all of my endeavors; I’m ending them knowing how to put others’ needs first constantly, namely those of 5 very small humans who live in my house. This past decade was definitely a lesson in selflessness and humility. Having kids can do that to a body.
  • This blog didn’t even exist in 2010; now it’s 9 years in.
Just us, pre kids and carefree
  • #30
  • #30
  • #40
  • #40
  • #40
Me then and now
  • Almost done as just a couple
  • Della
  • Last time as a family of 3
  • Lana
  • Last time as a family of 4
  • Morrison
  • Last time as a family of 5
  • Nat
  • Avit
The beginning, growth, and completion of our family

So. Our family is complete. Our house is nearing completion (that’s been over a decade-long project!). We are all healthy. And I’m happy. Simple joys, but ones that are important to me.

  • 2010
  • 2011 (in Hawaii!)
  • 2012
  • 2013
  • 2014 (pregnant with Morrison)
  • 2015
  • 2016
  • 2017 (pregnant with the twins)
  • 2018 – complete!
  • 2019 – welcoming a new decade!
Our New Year’s Eves of the past decade

Looking into the 2020s, I do have some feelings. And I say feelings, not goals, because that’s not how I roll. I don’t set tangible, hard goals or deadlines. I live by how things feel. It’s much easier.

  • I feel like getting to do some traveling with our brood. Doesn’t need to be elaborate or far, just exploring and seeing new places with the kids is fun.
  • I feel like getting to know our kids as growing individuals will be great. I spent the last decade, the whole of my 30s, having babies; now I’ll spend this one raising them. Hopefully I’ll do it right and they’ll be good people, assets to humanity, not a bunch of little turds.
  • I feel like these will be years of doing – finishing our house, enjoying where we live, watching the kids grow and thrive, living life as a big family.
  • I feel like getting to do some things my way, not just doing everything as governed by a baby. Or two.

2020. It sounds so futuristic, yet it’s here. The 1920s are the one era I always say I’d love to go back to if I ever got to time travel. Will the 2020s be my roaring ’20s?! Thank you, 2010s, for all you gave us. Now cheers to 2020 and the next new decade!

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#thankful

The kids and I spent another wonderful Thanksgiving break with my family in Illinois this year, and every day I remembered exactly how thankful I am for what we have.

The week started out less than stellar with 2 heads full of lice (uggghhh!!!!) on Monday, $500 unexpectedly spent in treatment for that, then getting rear ended on the highway Tuesday night on the way down to my mom’s house to begin our trip (thankfully no damage or injury!), but fortunately that was the worst of it. Each day after that was great.

I have always known how important family is. You only get one, whether you like it or not. And I am very thankful for the one I have. It was so much fun watching my kids play and have fun with my family just as I did when I was their age. The circle of life!

#familyiseverything #thankful

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#summervacation2019 ~ Fin

We finally got our car back mid-August, and then I packed what we would have been doing all summer into about a week. It was jam-packed, but it was so much fun!

We explored the Urban Ecology Center, went out for donuts then to the zoo, picnicked at a park we’d never been to before, saw a field of 500,000+ sunflowers, spent a day in Madison with one of my dearest friends and her children, went up to Bookworm Gardens, and of course, kept walking. (watch out, LOTS of pictures coming here!)

  • Happy to be back in our car!
  • Human sun dials
  • Super cool Lego dinosaur exhibit at the zoo

Even without a car for most of it, this was a great summer home with all the kids again, and I am sad to see it go. But all 3 big kids are excited for school this year, which always makes me so happy. Until next year, summer!

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#summervacation2019

I’ve been using that hashtag on all my summer pictures thus far, so I’ll fill this post with a lot of them. Our summer vacation adventures began immediately this year, literally on the last day of school.

To start off, I took the kids down to my mom’s house on the first afternoon of summer vacation. The girls had a half day for their last day of school, we walked home, had lunch, then loaded up and drove to Palos. We spent the night there, then headed down to Peoria the following morning for what has become an annual Miller family weekend. It was so much fun, and I’m really glad we made it down this summer after bailing at the last minute last year.

We got home from that trip on Monday, then turned right around and went on our own Wisconsin family vacation that same Wednesday. This, too, has become an annual trip, and we’re trying to find the perfect cabin/lake setup to go to each year. Ideally we want it within about 2 hours of home and on the water so the kids can swim and play daily. A clean, sandy beach is perfect for them, but we’re still looking for our “permanent” spot. This year’s place was definitely not it – dirty and cramped “hotel” room, not the best company for fellow patrons; last year’s place was awesome except for lots of ants in the cabin, but it was too far away at 6 hours. So we’ll just keep trying places until we get it right and enjoying memories together along the way.

We came home from that vacation on Saturday, and our car was stolen that afternoon. Super awesome, and certainly not a highlight of this summer vacation, but worth mentioning anyway as we’ve been dealing with that ever since. We were home from our lake trip for about 2 and a half weeks, Morrison took a session of swim lessons, I got the big 3 signed up for the library summer reading program, the kids had a couple fun backyard shower sprinkler days, we celebrated the 4th of July with friends and neighbors as usual, then I flew out to Colorado with the kids for a week-long visit. Thankfully Arianne flew back to help us fly out, flew home with us as well, then flew back to Colorado, because there is NO WAY I could’ve made those flights with all 5 alone. Simply getting on the plane would have been next to impossible once the twins were out of the stroller.

That was a really fun trip, too. The kids all love spending time with their cousins, my mom flew out as well so we all got to spend the week together, and I finally got to see Marissa’s “new” house. We took the kids swimming, to a tiny town with a little train they could ride, made pizzas and s’mores in their pizza oven, even had a Christmas in July dinner. It was a great time. Hopefully they didn’t regret inviting us all out with all the noise and Nat’s screaming!

So now we’ve stopped traveling and get to enjoy the rest of the summer at home. Ahhh… The kids have a number of fun activities coming up – swim lessons for the girls, a drawing camp for the girls, zoo day camps, and Della even gets to spend a couple days at Grandma and Grandpa’s house by herself for her birthday. Lucky duck! We have a bunch of projects in the house and yards that I’m looking forward to finishing up, so it should be a fulfilling next couple months. Maybe we’ll even get our car back one of these days…

I love summer vacation!

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That’s a wrap!

We are in the final hours of 2018, and it has truly been a magnificent year. Some of you might be thinking, how in the world is that possible?? You have 5 kids!! But that’s just it. They make my life magical and give me the most important purpose there is. I’m their Mama.

Let’s review, shall we?

  • We had twins.
  • I’m not usually one to brag, but I think I’m doing a pretty great job with 5 kids.
  • I figured out the logistics of getting us all to/from school all year, whether it was walking, driving, or carpooling.
  • Summer vacation was awesome with everyone home. Lots of playing with friends on the block (kids and parents!), walks and runs, library visits, collecting sea glass.
  • We learned what a vacation as a family of 7 is when we went up to Iron River this summer. It’s doable, and it was fun!
  • We got to watch a Brewers playoff game from a suite. It’s kinda nice when your cousin is the manager. 😉
  • We bought a second house.
  • The twins went on their first flight out to Tucson to meet their great-grandparents, which was so very, very important. The logistics of that one were a little torturous, but the family time spent together was priceless and worth every single second.
  • We took another family vacation up north to Eagle River. It gets easier and better every time.
  • We’ve been enjoying our first holiday season with 5 children. That does not sound normal to me – we have 5 children. Maybe someday it will, but still not yet. Both of my parents are 1 of 4 children, and I always thought man, that’s a lot of kids. Ha, silly me. The universe heard that and remembered it.
  • Ryan got a big and extremely well-deserved promotion at work.
  • I finished my sea turtles tattoo for the kids. Very important, I know!
  • We watched all our children grow every day, and my heart gets more and more full by the second with all of them. It was a year full of firsts for the twins, and it’s so amazing to get to experience all these baby firsts over again in double. Each day is something new and wondrous for them.

And now here we are, the very end of 2018. I think the sign of a good year isn’t completely dependent upon what you’ve accomplished, what you’ve done, where you’ve gone, but how you feel at the end of it. And just like the title of one of my favorite Christmas movies, it’s a wonderful life. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, our family is complete, and we are heading into the new year on a high note.

Cheers, 2018, and thank you so much for everything you gave us. Here we come, 2019, all 7 of us!

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Merry and bright

This was a great Christmas. It was the twins’ first Christmas, and I realized that they are the first out of all our children to spend their first Christmas here at home. For all the others’ first Christmases, we were down at my mom’s house. As much as I love spending the Christmas holiday down there when everyone is back, being at home and not having to go anywhere or really do anything at all is very, very nice. Especially now that there are so many of us!

On Christmas Eve, the big 3 got everything ready for Santa and the reindeer – cookies, egg nog, a carrot, and reindeer food in the front yard. Then Della read us The Night Before Christmas, a tradition that we started last year. Lana was able to read some, too, this year. She’s been working on that little book for the past month to try to be able to read it for us on Christmas Eve, so I know she was very happy and proud to be able to do her part.

When I woke up on Christmas morning, I saw there was a weather alert on my phone – snow had supposedly started overnight, which was not in the forecast at all. In fact, on the late news on Christmas Eve, they even said we were going to have a brown Christmas. I honestly felt like a kid when I peeked out the window and saw a white Christmas! I couldn’t believe it. It was the perfect way to start the day.

I made sure to get up early when the twins did so I didn’t miss a second of the kids’ excitement, and it was awesome from the start. They all got a nice little haul from Santa this year, and Daddy even got each of the big 3 a good book. The babies watched the unwrapping madness from their jumpers so they didn’t get trampled or do any trampling (Avit, ahem), and all they wanted was to get in their highchairs for some Cheerios. They were both too big to wear the little Baby’s 1st Christmas hats that we had, but they did wear matching Santa bibs for all the meals. That counts, right?

Then the day was spent playing with the new goods, watching Christmas movies, generally relaxing, then hosting Ryan’s parents for Christmas dinner. It was a wonderful day, and I hope all the Christmases out there were just as great.