Tag: D

Baby girl D

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Be Enough Me: A Letter

Today I’m linking up to the fantastic Just.Be.Enough and trying on a little writing prompt. Writing prompt?? Geez, I haven’t even thought of those since school. Eesh. Let’s see if I can still flex any pen-to-paper muscle here, shall we? This week’s prompt was “Write a letter to your future self or your child.” 

I chose to do a combo…

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Dear D and years-from-now-but-still-Mom-Sexy SM,

D, I’ve said it so many times before, but the day you were born changed our lives forever, and all for the better. I never pictured myself as being a good mom, let alone a mom at all, but you have helped me prove that notion wrong. You are an amazingly beautiful, wonderful girl, and your spirit is incredible. I look at you every day and marvel that your dad and I created such an awesome little person, and I can’t help but be extraordinarily proud to be able to take some credit for that. Yes, I know that sounds sappy and totally mom-ish, but that’s me now. A mom. Your mom. And I couldn’t be happier.

I am so full of hope for you (and future SM, too), and I wanted to let you know just how much in this letter…

 

Hope for D:

I hope you have a very very long, happy, healthy, wonderful life.

I hope no harm ever befalls you.

I hope you enjoy a fun, stress-free childhood.

I hope your dad and I help you create memories that you will cherish forever.

I hope you never have to endure bullying or become a bully yourself.

I hope nothing ever happens to you so that you would feel the need to become a bully.

I hope nothing ever happens to you to make you grow up before any child should. (there are too many horrific ways to end this thought and i just can’t let my mind go there to type them all out)

I hope you never feel worthless, ashamed, abused, neglected, or unimportant. (that list could continue forever, but i have to stop before i start crying uncontrollably)

I hope you always feel alive, inspired, appreciated, and loved.

I hope you always know how much your dad and I (and the rest of our family) love you. You are our treasure.

I hope you know that you can always come to us; always tell us anything; and always know that we will never stop loving you.

I hope you are never judged unfairly at school, on the playground, or eventually in adult life.

I hope you grow into the ridiculously talented, smart, beautiful, confident, charming woman I see twinkling behind those eyes already every day.

I hope you always love me as much as I will always love you. (ok, i’ll even settle for a partial here, since my love for you is and always will be never-ending)

 

Hope for SM:

I hope you and R create the family of which you now dream.

I hope you are one day able to spend the time with that family that you now so longingly crave.

I hope you and R grow stronger in your love and marriage every single day and enjoy a very long, happy, healthy, wonderful lifetime together as husband and wife.

I hope you and R have the strength to be good parents to your children and raise them to be good people.

I hope nothing ever happens to make you question yourself as a parent.

I hope, more than anything in this world, you never have to know the pain of losing a child.

I hope you and R instill trust and security in your children and foster a sense of unconditional love for them in your home.

I hope you can protect D and any brothers/sisters she may have from the evils among us as long as is humanly possible.

I hope you can raise your children to love their family as much as you love yours.

I hope the bonds that have been broken in your extended family can one day be repaired, or at least patched.

I hope your dad finally finds the right path and becomes happy. He’s not a bad man; he deserves that.

I hope you never know the pain of losing a parent far too soon.

I hope you and R can always provide a stable and secure home for your children and encourage them to thrive.

I hope you and R can someday travel the world together, seeing everything this planet has to offer.

I hope you and R can raise your children to stand up for what they believe, even if it isn’t the “cool” thing.

I hope you and R can always comfort and console your children when they need it, making everything better the way parents should.

I hope you and R teach your children how to protect themselves when you no longer can.

I hope you never stop having fun.

 

Love,

Mommy (& 2011 SM)

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I’m beginning to feel seriously disliked

By my own 14 month old.

Has anyone else with a toddler experienced this, or am I just lucky to suddenly seemingly be the object of my daughter’s disaffection?

The first signs came weeks ago, when diaper and clothes changes on her changing dresser became all-out battles. As soon as I pick her up to lay her up there she begins writhing and kicking in the air, doing anything she can to avoid landing on her changing mat.

This is so crazy to me, because she used to absolutely love it up there. I mean L-O-V-E it. When she was really little she’d get all excited and wiggle around when placed on it for changes. We called it doing her “mat jigs”. And even up until recently she was perfectly content to look at one of her books or play with a lotion bottle while being changed.

But now it’s like her changing mat is on fire or a bed of nails when we put her on it. It usually takes all my might these days to keep her in place so as not to get poop smeared all over her, me, the wall, and the dresser when it’s dirty diaper time.

And I’m kind of ashamed to admit this, but the other night I even resorted to leaning my full weight onto her to push her down so I could get her diaper changed before putting on her pajamas. I mean come on. A grown adult using full-body strength to flatten down her kicking and flailing toddler all for the sake of 1 f’ng diaper? Seems ridiculous, but that is to what I’ve been reduced.

I’ve also been getting “that look” from her a lot lately. That look where she raises her eyebrows and opens her eyes real big, then kind of crinkles up her upper lip and gives a squeaky grunt like no! I don’t want to do that!

Really? You’re ONE. I don’t remember there being a clause in the rule book of life that says ONE year olds get to call the shots. I’m the mom, just trust me right now.

I know I’ve mentioned this one before, but she already exhibits some terrible 2-ish behavior, too. Like the throw-herself-down-on-the-floor-and-cry when she either doesn’t get something she wants or gets something taken away from her that she’s not supposed to have. Very mature.

And if she’s in her high chair and decides she’s totally over eating or sees something on her tray that displeases her, she smashes all her food then swipes her hands across her tray real fast to fling everything onto the floor. Rude.

And the most recent display in this category is the crying meltdown that ensues when she reaches her arms up to you to be picked up but you’re doing something or your hands are full so you can’t get her THAT VERY SECOND. Awesome. Because we’re so heartless that it takes us longer than 1.5 nanoseconds to pick up our child when she thinks she needs to be held.

But this next one is the real winner.

I swear to you, D would rather camp out at daycare round-the-clock than come home with me in the afternoons now. I’m not gonna lie, either. It kinda breaks my heart a little each time and is what has most made me feel like a mommy unloved.

I’m so used to her plowing over any toy and child in her path to get to my arms when she sees me in the door to her room when I arrive for pick-up, that now when she doesn’t even want me to hold her I can’t help but feel totally rejected.

2 perfect examples…

Monday this week her class was on the playground when I picked her up because the weather has been so gorgeous these past couple days. She and another little girl were being pushed in a double-seater swing by the teacher, and when she saw me she lit up with outstretched arms to come get me. Awesome, that’s what I love.

We went inside so I could sign her out on the attendance sheet, and she made an immediate bee-line for the wooden rocking boat in their room, climbed in, and started rocking like crazy. Oh that’s so cute, I thought. I’ve never seen her play in one of those before. Ok, time to go, so I reached for her to pick her out of the boat and carry her back out the door.

You’d think I was coming at her with a hot poker the way she recoiled and grabbed onto the handles of the boat for dear life, wanting nothing to do with me and the nice home to which I was taking her. Hmm, all right.

I finally was able to pry her out of the boat and set her down on the classroom floor since she was trying to flop away from me. Mistake. For then all she wanted to do was run around and play in her empty classroom. The flopping and squealing immediately resumed when I gathered her up to take her out to the car to head home.

Then Tuesday this week I experienced a similar get-away-from-me-Mom episode, again when I picked her up from daycare.

Their class was out on the playground enjoying more sunshine, and this time D was going down the slide when I arrived. She spotted me mid-slide, and I shit you not, she splayed out on the slide when she got to the bottom like she usually does when I try to pick her up even though I was nowhere near her, then sat up and tried to shove a whole handful of wood chips in her mouth with that defiant look on her face again.

What? Like eating wood chips is going to get you out of coming home with me? Puh-lease.

There was no greeting me with outstretched arms this time. No. The teacher had to carry her squirming body and hand her over the fence to me. At least this time I knew better than to put her down when we went into her room to sign out. I may still be there trying to remove her from the premises if I had.

So what gives? What has happened to cause this fall from grace of mine? I used to be the one she wanted all the time. Now it seems like I’m the last one she wants. I guess I more expected this assertion of independence around oh, say age 15, not 1. Is this normal? Or have I really done something wrong to make my little girl not like her mommy anymore?

 

 

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14 month stats

D turned 14 months old this past Saturday. What the what?? Why does that sound so big? Like has it really been 6 months since she was 8 months old? That little number sounds much less scary and grown-up. Alas, I still haven’t figured out how to make time stand still or even slow down. She certainly is as entertaining and amazing as ever, though, so I thought I’d give you the latest update:

  • Her last trip to the doctor’s office was at the beginning of September, when she weighed 20.7 lbs. She even stood on the big person’s scale and everything! We haven’t had an official measurement since her 12 month checkup, so I’ll have to estimate again here, but I’ll say she’s roughly 32″ tall and probably just under 21 lbs. She’s growing!
  • Drumroll please… 13 teeth!! Yes, that is correct – her little mouth has sprouted 5 new teeth in the past month. I should say in the past week and a half, really. So now in addition to the 8 in front (4 on top and 4 on bottom), she has 4 more on the bottom and 1 more on top. The 4 new ones on the bottom are both cuspids and first molars, and the 1 new one on top is the right cuspid. Crazy! I was worried that teething with these big teeth was going to be horrific for her, since before they poked through you could see her gums just bulging, but (knock on wood) they really don’t seem to be affecting her much. I hope it stays that way.
  • Crawling is a long-forgotten mode of travel these days, and her walking is getting more and more coordinated. She moves fast when she wants to, too! I finally wised up and got a baby gate for the basement stairs, so fortunately we have thus far avoided any monumental stair catastrophes. (insert more knocking on wood here) She loves to stand at the top of the basement steps chewing on the gate when you go downstairs and laugh as she sees you go around the corner at the bottom.
  • Climbing has become a favorite activity of hers, making me wonder if she might be part monkey (well that, and the night she ate a whole banana in about 7 bites). She can now climb up onto the couch by herself, climb onto the ottoman to the glider in her bedroom, climb into her froggie chair, and just this weekend she started climbing up onto the ottoman/bench we use to store some of her toys. Ok, 2 of these have posed problems – the froggie chair and the bench. We have just recently gotten to the point where she will get in her chair and actually sit as opposed to standing in it like a total stinker. That took much “feet down”ing, physical repositioning of the toddler herself, and finally ignoring the “look at me, I’m standing!” face and squeaks to get her to do that one correctly. The bench is a new-found plaything since she started standing on the lid of it this weekend when it was on the floor (ahem, thanks a lot for that one, grandma…), then proceeded to think she could continue standing on it when it was back in place on the bench. Wrongola! So we’ll work on that one.
  • Still no real words yet, but more new noises get added to her “vocabulary” all the time. I can’t wait until she does start talking, so we can finally hear what she thinks she’s been saying this whole time.
  • LOVES her books. Which I, personally, find awesome! It’s so funny to watch her “reading” her books too, as she sits flipping pages, with strings of “bdyap, bdyap, bdyap” and “dis dis dis”. I know they do tons of reading at daycare too, which is wonderful for the kids.
  • She loves art projects. We are already filling up a tupperware bin in the attic of water color paintings and other drawings she’s done at school. I think I’d like to get her a little easel of some sort for Christmas, because I know they’ve used them in her room at daycare. A budding artist, mayhaps?
  • She loves water. They have a water table at school that they play in all the time, and she becomes a slippery limp noodle when I try to take her out of her bath before she’s ready to be done splashing around. If we walk by a sink she practically dives in it to wash her hands, like they do every morning when they get dropped off at daycare. Starting personal hygiene early – I like that.
  • Unfortunately she has also already learned the throw-herself-down-on-the-floor-and-splay-out-in-toddler-misery when she doesn’t get her way. Seriously? Already? Boo on that, little one. You’re only 1! They’re called the terrible TWOS, in case you missed the memo.
  • Puppies are her absolute favorite. When we’re outside and she sees a puppy she starts squealing and pointing with excitement. Puppies and squirrels. Fortunately we don’t pet squirrels.
  • I guess she really loves all things furry. Whenever she gets to a page in her books that has fur or fuzz of some sort on it – a kitten or puppy, textured clouds, a lion’s mane, etc. – she loves to pick at it and try to eat it. That part I don’t get at all, but then again, there are many things going on in that little brain that I probably don’t get.
  • She likes to pick invisible things up between her tiny little thumb and forefinger and pretend she’s eating them. Yeah, who knows…
  • She’s pretty smart. She definitely knows your actions and imitates them – brushing hair, brushing teeth, using her q-tips, lining toys up after she’s seen me do it, wiping off her high chair or the floor after she’s seen me do it, trying to put keys in the doorknob after she’s seen us lock the door… It’s so amazing to watch her do all these things and think wow, she really does know what’s going on in the world around her. Just 1 more reason why we try to keep things happy for her. Kids sense everything and truly are like little sponges, soaking everything up, including your mood.
  • She’s becoming enthralled with the toilet now, too, and if the door’s open always comes in when you’re going to the bathroom to investigate. Awesome. But maybe this means she might be ready for potty training sooner rather than later? Unfortunately she’s also taken to grabbing her crotch when getting her diaper changed or bathed. Hmm, guess we’ll need to start working on that, too.
  • We’ve been having issues with diapers leaking overnight, so I sent Facebook feelers out to find solutions. Apparently Huggies Overnights in a size bigger than usual are the way to go, so we picked up a package of them this weekend. So far, so good, fingers crossed.
  • She eats pretty much anything now. I’ve noticed she doesn’t particularly like things with skins and will spit that part back out – sometimes grapes, hot dogs, etc. Usually she isn’t too picky, unless she’s not feeling well, when she generally doesn’t want anything to eat. She loves carrying around her little cup of snacks and munching on puffs and Cheerios.
  • I still haven’t gotten rid of her morning bottle yet, but I don’t really care so much about it anymore. I like giving her an easy, peaceful wake-up, since none of us likes having to get up early, leave home, and be apart all day. Plus I don’t think it really hurts that a 1-year old is having a morning bottle of milk. She gets that one and then another bottle at night at bedtime, but drinks all of her milk at school from a cup. So that’s fine with me. On weekends I do usually give her a bottle when she goes down for a nap, but it just helps calm her and send her off to dreamland.

I know I say it every time, but I really couldn’t possibly love this little girl anymore. She brings so much happiness and laughter to us daily, and it’s incredible watching her turn into a little person running around our house. I love you, Squeaker!

WI's cutest fan, even with a cold!

 

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Worth at least a couple thousand words

Ever have one (or more) of those weeks where you just can’t seem to get caught up? That’s how I’ve felt since we got back from Colorado the other weekend. I’ve been doing a lot of exploring of and venturing farther out into the social media/networking world, and have set some pretty lofty goals for myself with this here little blog, which has ended up taking up much of the time I usually use to dedicate to my posts. Hence, the lack of pictures for you.

Until now! I finally picked out the ones I thought best summed up our awesome trip. The wedding was beautiful, the scenery was divine, and the company couldn’t have been better. Besides D’s illnesses, it was fantastic. Congratulations again to my sister M and now brother-in-law C – may you enjoy a long and happy lifetime together!

I made the photos small again since there are so many, so please click on any to make them bigger:

Get me!
R pretending he's freezing on an "ice cube" chair at Coors

Continue reading “Worth at least a couple thousand words”

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Our girls

Is anyone else out there with daughters scared shitless about raising them in today’s world of over-sexed, under-dressed, unsupervised, and generally grown-up-too-fast youth? I am.

I’m horrified by some of the things I see girls younger and younger doing, wearing, saying, and experiencing, and I whole-heartedly pray that I will be strong enough to raise D with unwavering morals and values.

I want her to be proud of herself, love herself, respect others (including her elders), and love having me and R as her parents.

I want to give her a childhood full of innocence and happiness, warm summer days and nights playing outside, cold winter ones snuggled in close, and memories filled with laughter and love instead of micro-minis, stilettos, and make-up.

I want her to fully enjoy being a kid, where her biggest worries are learning to share toys and riding a bike, not whether her clothes are from the right store or if she has the perfect body or, god-forbid, the best cell phone.

I want to foster her confidence so she grows up strong enough to respect herself, not feel like she has to do whatever it takes to get the boys’ attention or that of the mean girls.

My hope of hopes is to give her the best foundation possible early in life so that she grows into a wonderful woman in her own right, ready to take on the world with a good head on her shoulders and a positive (yet not naive) outlook and attitude. I know that may sound uber-cliche, but that’s what I want.

I don’t want to be her best friend (although i’m sure that would be great, but my job is parent).

I don’t want to give in to every whine and beg just because everyone else gets to do it.

I don’t want her to have a cell phone when she’s 7 because I think that’s ridiculous; she can have one when she’s ready and able to pay for it herself (read has a job and can fund her own plan).

I don’t want her to be on Facebook until she’s well into high school, if not college, or ever (wouldn’t it be great if we could actually raise our kids to talk to each other, not online chat??).

I don’t want her to start dressing like a college student in grade school because that’s disgusting.

I don’t want her to think she’s entitled to everything just because every other kid appears to be.

I want her to address adults by Mr. and Mrs.

I want her to say please and thank you and excuse me and may I.

I want her to be able to use her imagination to make up games and stories and make-believe playlands.

I want her to understand and appreciate money and not throw a fit when there isn’t a Bentley wrapped up with a bow in the driveway on her 16th birthday.

I want her to be caring and giving, not selfish and absorbed like so many kids I watch today.

I want that amazing sparkle in her eyes to always be there, never fade.

I guess I just want her to be a good person, and I want to have the strength and wherewithal to get her there. Is that too much to ask?

I found this wonderful post today over on Clover Lane, and it’s exactly everything I’ve been thinking about and wanted to say. I don’t want D’s childhood cut short either, so I hope I’m a good enough mom to make hers long and pure.

 

 

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