Tag: Parenthood

Because I’m a mom now

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That’s much better

Remember the family Christmas party last month where poor Della was ostracized by those annoying little 6 year old girls? Here, I’ll give you a sec to refresh your memory…

Well we went to one of our nephew’s birthday party this past weekend, and things were SO much better. All the cousins who I had hoped were going to be at the Christmas party were at this birthday party, and none of the part of the family from which those other girls came was present. It made for a fantastic time for D.

These cousins seriously love her, and she had an absolute blast palling around with the youngest girl, who’s 4. They played with toys, ate lunch together, ran around in the snow together, and were just all around best buds the whole afternoon. My heart was very happy.

Fortunately this is the immediate part of our family and those Christmas party brats are more distant relatives, so we don’t see them often at all. So hopefully Della will enjoy many more instances like this weekend’s fun and merriment than times like the Christmas party. If you can’t tell, that still riles me when I think about it. Sigh.

But just look at this. How marvelous can you possibly get? I do wish we all lived closer together so this love could be shared so much more often.

D&G

 

 

 

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A small miracle occurred last night

I have a feeling it is very early in the process to start talking about this, but yesterday was day 1 of weaning Lana from the pacifier. Cold turkey. Go big or go home, kids.

I didn’t think we’d have to do this until much later, but she had gotten so dependent on it to fall asleep recently that I’d finally had enough. Multiple nights in a row of being up for almost 2 hours with her in the dead of morning, getting in and out of bed, replacing that stupid plug in her mouth to calm her cries, whipping the sheets off my legs harder and harder each time in frustration, were the straws that broke this camel’s back.

I didn’t mind the thing for awhile, since it really did settle her instantly in her fits of wailing. Like magic. I soon realized why so many people use them. We never did with Della, but this kid’s just different. And she only needed it when trying to fall asleep, never if it fell out once she was sleeping or randomly during the day.

Lately, however, it was taking longer and longer for her to get to sleep with the damn thing, since every time it would fall out she’d immediately get frantic searching for it. She would take super long naps with it in her mouth, but I was willing to sacrifice that “free time” for me in order to quash her growing addiction. I had also noticed that she just liked having it in her mouth during the day to be quiet and look around. Nope, not happening, my dear.

Plus it had become a wicked game at night. Bedtime was stretching to a good hour or more until she would go in her crib without waking up, which of course meant I was always up later than I should have been. Then the nightly feeding was all but torture. I would have to play the dreaded find-and-replace game way more than I was willing to in order to get her back to sleep, by which time it was usually almost time to get up for the day anyway. And she had begun throwing in a bonus wake up sometime in the midnight hour, just in search of that obnoxious pink pacifier.

I was quickly reverting back to the walking zombie state. Our new Keurig definitely helped remedy that situation with a horribly convenient caffeine stream, but that’s not the healthiest solution either.

So yesterday I just said f— it. Sorry, baby girl, but I’m done playing this game. You’re losing your suck privileges on that little piece of rubber. And so it began…

Her usually solid 2-3 hour morning nap was diminished to a 5 minute attempt and then a half hour sleep spell a little while later, but both were done with no pacifier. She got another half hour nap in the boppy mid-afternoon, a 45-50 minute nap on her giraffe playmat around 5, then a quick 20ish minute snooze in my arms at 8 before getting ready for bedtime. Overall much less nap time than normal and each sleep except the one on her playmat was induced by being bounced/rocked in my arms, but the pacifier was not used once.

Then came bedtime. And I was fully prepared for an all-out battle and a night of severely abbreviated sleep.

Bedtime actually went much better than I had expected. I changed her, swaddled her, fed her, and started the arm bounce between 8:30-9, and there was very little fuss. Her eyes got heavy sooner than I’d imagined, and it only took a handful of repeat bouncing rounds before she was totally asleep. So I put her in bed between 9:30-10, which is definitely in the scope of a regular bedtime for her. I also left 1 arm out of the swaddle for the first time, in case she needed to get that little hand in her mouth for some suckling.

I then went to bed at 10, heard a couple rustling spells during the night but no all-out cries so paid little attention, then finally sensed her waking and getting ready to squirm and cry. Ok, what time is it going to be – midnight, 1, 1:30?

Dudes – it was 4:30! She had just slept for 7 straight hours, and since I actually took advantage of that I slept for 6.5!! That probably sounds like nothing for a 3 month old, something that occurs regularly, but I cannot tell you the last time she pulled that one off. I’m not kidding when I say I felt as if I’d had a week’s worth of sleep when I got up to feed her at 4:30.

It was our own little Monday night miracle, my friends.

A baby sleeping the best she has in weeks on the first day of not being allowed to have her beloved pacifier? I’m calling it a miracle.

Maybe it was because she was worn out after not napping as much during the day. Maybe it was because she was more sated after having eaten more often during the day due to said lack of long naps. Maybe she just didn’t really need the pacifier anymore anyway, and we had simply become slaves to it on our own.

Who knows. And I don’t really care why. I just hope it continues! I actually feel rested this morning and have some energy to tackle things around the house. I feel like I won’t just drag through today like I have for the past couple.

Oh, but I still visited my friend Keurig first thing…

 

 

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The midnight hours

You know the ones. The ones where the house is still. The ones where the messes are cleaned. The ones where the mouths are silent and the bodies are tucked snugly in bed. The ones where all is quiet.

Except my mind.

It’s deep in the heart of early morning, and Lana has just gone back down after her (usually) once-nightly feeding. I climb wearily back into bed and listen to her trying to drift back off to the land of nod. Sometimes she does it; sometimes she needs a little help from her friend Blue, a.k.a. the pacifier.

So wouldn’t it rightly follow that I should do the same?

One would think, yes.

But no. That’s usually when it starts. That’s when my brain decides to wake up, instead of saving its capacity for the daytime hours, when I really need it.

I need to make a checklist for the store. What do I need to get done around the house tomorrow? Or, more correctly, I guess it’s really today now. What are Della and I going to do today? When is such-and-such going to get done on the house? How should we do such-and-such on the house? Who needs to be bathed today? Should I make coffee when I get up or go right to breakfast if I have time?

Who cares??

Just settle and enjoy the last hours of the night. You need to. Whatever comes today will take care of itself, with no worrying from your midnight thoughts needed.

Just go.

Sleep… sleep… sleep…

 

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We’re molting! And other news

I guess more accurately we’re shedding, but I liked molting better. But either way, the time has come for the postpartum shed to begin. Yuck! And this time it’s not just me, but Lana too. Her tiny little hairs are falling out all over the place, as are my foot-long ones. Again, yuck!

I don’t remember Della losing her hair at this point so much, but then again she had a fraction of the amount of hair that Lana does. Hers did fall out too, but maybe it just wasn’t so obvious since there was less of it. I just hope this doesn’t last for 3 months again, making me think my hairline is receding like it did last time, because I detest cleaning hair up from every surface of the house.

Let’s see, what else… Della and I actually did a craft project today! I know, stop the presses. Every so often they would send home their little placemats from daycare with a picture of the kid and other stickers and pictures and stuff on them. We have 2 past ones, and Ryan thought it needed updating. So that was our project for this morning. I think it turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself. She picked all the pictures out of a magazine, I cut them out and glued them on, then she adorned it with stickers.

mat

 And speaking of daycare, D’s going back! Well, just 1 day a week, but I think she’ll love it. She still talks about 3 of her friends from there all the time, and I always feel bad when she does, thinking, well don’t get your hopes up because you’ll probably never see them again. I actually did ask the daycare director if they’re still there, and all but 1 of them are.

So we’re starting this Wednesday. Ryan will either drop her off and pick her up on his way home from work, or I’ll keep the car that day and play taxi. I really think she’ll enjoy being back with all the other kids, I’ll get a day to focus only on Lana, we can do it on a drop in basis, and we already know we love the place. Win, win, win, win, win…

Also, get this. I applied for a job! It’s just a part-time front desk position at the gym where I train and used to belong, so it’s not like I’m setting out to make my fortune here. I knew a long time ago that if I ever lost my last job, I would be very hard-pressed to make 6 figures again unless I did that same thing. Which I don’t really think I want to right now. So why not do something more lighthearted and fun?

The other great thing about this job would be I could probably take the girls into the kid care room while I was there, plus I’d get a membership for free. Winning again! It would just be a couple hours in the weekday mornings, whichever days they have openings. I spoke with the guy in charge of the front desk staffing today, and he will be working on February’s schedule later this week, obviously filling openings with current staff first then going from there. So he said he’ll let me know later in the week one way or the other.

I also said I would volunteer if they have no paid openings right now, which would still get us out of the house and me a free membership. So hopefully something will pan out there. I think it’s kind of a long shot since I didn’t see any front desk part-time openings on their website, but you never know. I’ll keep you posted.

Sooo… I think that’s about it. Fortunately 2013 seems to be off to a good start, and I’m feeling much better about everything these days. I definitely feel much more found than lost right now, and I am so thankful for that.

 

 

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The first time of many, I’m sure

Yesterday we went to an annual family Christmas party, and it’s always a great time. Ryan has a really big family, so fun always ensues when everyone gets together. And this year was no different. Except for one thing…

There were 2 little girls there, one of whom was 6 and the other must have been the same age. They were running around together the whole time, having a blast. One of the girls literally wheeled in a suitcase full of toys when she and her family arrived, which she immediately proceeded to dump out on one of the couches.

Well of course Della saw that and made a bee-line for that mountain of dolls, cars, blankets, and other crap. I could tell the little girl was less than pleased that little D came creeping over to play, so I just made sure Della knew that those were not her toys and that she was sharing. All was well.

Later in the afternoon the girl who brought all the toys was running around with a blanket draped over her like a cape, which Della thought was fantastic. D was having the time of her life chasing after the caped girl and the other one; she probably ran a million laps around the place where the party was. I thought oh great, they’re having fun, that’ll keep D entertained for hours.

Well shortly after the blanket adventures began, I glanced over to where D and this girl were, and the girl was chiding D and wagging her finger in D’s face while wearing a very stern expression. Della was sitting on the floor in front of the girl, and the look on her face just made my heart break. It was a mixture of sadness, confusion, and disappointment that this girl with whom she’d been having so much fun was telling her she couldn’t play anymore.

I was so mad. I completely understand that 6 year olds rarely want to play with 2 year olds, but Della was completely harmless. These girls were running around like banshees anyway, so what did they care that D was following them? She couldn’t even keep up with the circles they were all running anyway. Della’s little head would come bobbing around the corner a good half lap behind the other two each time. I just kept thinking how dare she point her finger in my daughter’s face like she’s the boss? As ludicrous as it sounds, I was royally pissed.

After I saw that I couldn’t keep my eyes off the trio. I became obsessed with making sure Della didn’t get her beautiful little spirit crushed again. I kept seeing the pair of older girls go up to Della, then run away, teasing her into chasing them like they wanted her to play. But then they’d go into the bathroom and hide from her.

At one point they happened to walk up next to where I was standing holding Lana, and I heard them saying something about “oh no, there she is” and having to get away from the little girl. I told them to just leave Della alone because she’s only 2 and just wanted to play with them.

Then one time when I went into the bathroom to wash out a water bottle, Della was in there crawling on the floor trying to get under one of the stall doors because the girls were hiding in it. I about barfed seeing her crawl on the bathroom floor, so while washing her hands I made some comment to D like, “oh, are the girls in there?” She said yes and I could hear them giggling, and I said I thought they were hiding from her. She of course didn’t understand what that meant, so I asked them why they were hiding. They said they were hiding from the boys and Della, and I said well Della just wants to play with you guys because she likes you. They said “I know” in unison and just kind of laughed.

I don’t know if my prodding helped, or if they just decided to give up trying to “get away from that little girl”, but from that point on it seemed like they actually didn’t mind having D run around with them as much. At one point the 3 of them were actually sitting on the hearth of the fireplace together, looking at some toy. And of course D wanted to run around the rest of the time with one of her new blankets tied around herself like the other girl had been. Ok fine, if it makes my baby girl happy.

Now before you yell at me for being a crazy, overprotective parent, yes, I know Della had no idea that the girls weren’t playing with her but were trying to get away from her most of the time. She was just thrilled to be seeing other kids and running around. And she probably had no idea what the one girl was even talking about when she had her finger in D’s face. But I did. And I just couldn’t help feeling crushed.

Della and Lana are little pieces of my heart and soul running around outside my body now, and I will always try to protect them. Especially when they’re this young. So knowing that someone was purposely trying to quash Della’s innocent little sparkle and make her have a bad time just killed me. I seriously wanted to cry when I saw D sitting there on the floor, just wanting to play, and having that poor little look on her face while getting pointed at and scolded by a 6 year old little brat. I wanted to simultaneously scoop her up and smother her in hugs and slap the other girl for not including my daughter. (of course not for real slap, geez)

This little episode got me thinking, though. If I feel this bad when my girls get little hurts like this (i should say nonexistent really, since between me and d i was the only one who knew what was going on), what am I going to do when they go through the inevitable big hurts? I won’t always be there monitoring the situations and making sure everyone lets them play.

My greatest wish as a parent is that Ryan and I instill in our children the senses of confidence and compassion and knowing right from wrong. And more than simply knowing right from wrong, having the strength and self-confidence to act right instead of wrong, especially when wrong is the far easier choice. So hopefully when the big hurts come, as I know they unfortunately will, our girls will be able to navigate through them and come out on the other sides relatively unscathed and stronger.

This protecting my heart and soul when it now has its own legs and runs circles around me… Does it ever get any easier?

D

how could you not want to play with this one?

 

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Through your eyes

Through your eyes it is simply incredible to see

Just how amazing and wondrous this big world can be.

Through your eyes it’s all new, it’s fun, and you grow every day;

From the things that you do to the words that you say.

You’re a big sister, my helper, and a wonderful kid;

Certainly one of the best things your dad and I ever did.

Through your eyes in this season, the holiday time of year,

The magic all comes alive with Santa and his reindeer.

You light up at their mention and you squeal, “Ho! Ho! Ho!”

There’s no end to the places with your beautiful mind you can go.

Through your eyes the world is fine and happy and bright,

And my heart swells when I watch your sparkle and light.

You watch and you try and you learn and you play,

And I burst with pride as I see you finding your way.

Through your eyes I can see it all happen again;

This journey of life on which I have been.

There is so much out there for you to see and do,

And along the way I hope you’ll be as proud of me as I already am of you.

Through your eyes I’m your mama and your guiding light.

I hope and I pray that I do this all right.

You’re my heart and my soul; you mean the world to me.

Through your eyes I hope you always see the good, my sweet Della Jolee.

 

 

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6 weeks

Lana turned 6 weeks old yesterday, and I thought I’d give you a peek into how I’m doing 6 weeks postpartum.

  • Weight:  Down 30 lbs. so far. I started at 149.5, gained 36 lbs. to 185.5, and was back down to 155.5 yesterday morning. So 6 more lbs. to go until I reach my prepregnancy weight. I’m in no rush. It’ll come off when it comes off. So far I think breastfeeding has been responsible for 100% of the weight loss.
  • Activity:  I haven’t gotten back to any sort of formal exercise. I’ve taken the girls on a couple walks with Della in the stroller and Lana in a carrier, but unfortunately it’s a colder season than when D was born when I was able to take her on a good hour walk almost every day. My walking speed has gotten back to normal, though. The first walk we took 5 days after Lana was born was slightly excruciating. I forgot how slowly I had to go. But now everything is fine and I can cruise as before. I did try to rake the front yard really quickly last week before the leaf truck came, and I was definitely more tired/weak than I expected to be by the end of that. My cardio endurance is obviously not back in shape. Fortunately I think my ability to go to the gym once a week with my trainer until almost the very end of this pregnancy helped me keep strength up better than I did when I was pregnant with D, because muscle-wise I feel a lot stronger than I did after she was born.
  • Sleep:  Lana is creeping closer to only waking up once a night, which helps me a ton. On her long sleep nights she’ll go to bed around 9:30, sleep until 4-4:30, then sleep again until 7-8 usually. That is much better than waking at 2ish and 5ish, as she had been doing once she dropped that 11ish wake up as well. She still does have 2 wake up nights, but thankfully they are becoming fewer and farther between. I just need to work on going to bed when she does instead of staying up an hour or two later. That time at night when they’re both asleep and silent is just so nice, though… And fortunately my carpal tunnel syndrome is gone, so I don’t wake up in misery and have to shake my arms out anymore. The night time pain disappeared almost immediately after delivery, but the weird nerve twinges and numbness lasted for a couple weeks. I’ve just noticed recently that those seem to finally be gone as well.
  • Sanity:  Not too bad. Once I survived the first week at home alone with the 2 of them, I felt much more confident in my ability to keep all of us alive. Each day gets a little easier, too, as I get more and more used to this routine. It sucks that the weather will be cold soon though, since D won’t be able to get outside to play. Not that we’re outdoors running around for hours on end each day or anything, but when it’s nice I try to take them on a walk to the store or to the park or play outside with her in her playhouse or just let her run around the yard for a while. Hopefully I don’t go stir crazy this winter when we’re cooped up inside constantly. I’m terrible with arts and crafts, too, so I need to work on filling our mornings with some sort of activity so she doesn’t just plop down in front of the TV or computer.

So that’s about it. We’re all still alive, clothed, and fed, so I’m calling that a win. I haven’t totally lost my shit yet either, which is encouraging since we’re potty training D right now too and L doesn’t like to be put down. So she just spends a lot of time in the bathroom with us.

I don’t have my official 6 week checkup for another almost week and a half, but I don’t think she’ll find any complications or anything. The bleeding and general goo exodus ended at 5 weeks, just as it did after D, and I’ve felt really good since Lana checked out of the womb hotel.

And I know how much you miss looking at my belly, so here’s a triple comparison shot. Left is the first pregnancy picture I took this time (4 weeks and change i think), middle is the day before L was born (39 weeks exactly), and right is me yesterday (6 weeks postpartum, same pants as the 1st pic for comparison). Enjoy!