And then there was a toddler in our bed

There must have been something in her milk Saturday night, because D ended up sleeping in our bed for the 1st time ever. We do NOT make this a habit, obviously, when she can’t sleep, and usually she will eventually go back to sleep in her crib after waking in the middle of the night.

But for whatever reason she just wasn’t having it Saturday night. Try as we may, she wouldn’t sleep more than about 10 minutes at a stretch back in her crib.

Feel my pain? Here’s an approximate timeline of how our evening went:

8:00-9:00  Trying to get D to settle down, put toys away, and get snuggled in for night-night. R and I were engrossed in Season 1 of Downton Abbey on Netflix, so we wanted her to nestle into the blankets on the couch with R and fall asleep, like she often does. She was restless.

9:00  D finally conked out in his lap, so he carried her into her crib.

9:00-11:00 R and I become addicted to Downton Abbey. Well, I’m addicted. He may have just been humoring me by watching all these, but I think he actually kinda likes it too.

11:00ish  D starts crying, so after it becomes clear she’s not just sleep crying R goes in to rock her back to sleep. I hear little cries coming from her room off and on.

11:15  R comes back out to the living room carrying D, who is still not back to sleep. He puts her in the blankets with him on the couch again, but she instantly pops back up and now wants to play after seeing a puppy on the tv. Wrong.

11:15-11:30  I take her back in her room to rock with her turtle projecting stars and moons on the ceiling, and she eventually goes back to sleep.

11:30ish  I go to bed.

11:45-12:30  D wakes up 2-3 times, each time I rock her back to sleep. Those “sleeps” last no more than 10 minutes each. I’m getting really tired.

12:30  R goes in to try to get her to sleep and says he’ll just go lie on the couch with her. I know he’ll end up having to spend the rest of the night out there with her if he does, so I say just bring her into our bed. Little did I know that was the beginning of the end of any hope for a restful night.

12:30-6:30  D sleeps between me and R. And coughs in my face all night long. R bails at some point before morning to take up residence on the couch. Lucky. At 6:24 I awaken to a small arm moving back and forth over my forehead, then a finger in my eye. Nice wake up call.

So yeah, that wasn’t the most brilliant solution, and I now know why we haven’t tried it before.

D took 2 naps yesterday for the 1st time in months.

 

 

19 month stats

D turned 19 months old yesterday.

And I almost totally forgot about it!

I just kept thinking it was February, since that month seemed to last forever with its extra day this year and all, and then suddenly I realized it was March 1. 19 months!

I guess we now officially start saying her age in years instead of months? So she’s simply a year and a half old? Or would you continue saying 19 months?

Let’s see what’s new since her 18 month stats:

  • She has added “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” to her repertoire and loves to sing it whenever she’s in her “boats”. She’ll get in an empty cardboard box, usually with the 2 Moosh pillows we have for some reason, and rock back and forth all over the living room saying “row, row, row”. It sounds more like “woah, woah, woah,” but you totally know what she’s doing. So then when you start singing the song, she gets super excited, rocks even harder, and claps mightily at the end.
  • She recognizes that the little turtle in her room shines stars and moons on the ceiling when it’s dark, and she loves it. Now her new thing is to point up at the sky and wave her hand in a little circle, meaning she wants to see the stars. If I rock her to sleep that’s our new routine – watching the stars instead of reading a book.
  • She knows that airplanes fly up in the sky. Whether this is because she’s been on a lot of them recently and I always tell her we’re going on a big vroom-vroom in the sky, or whether they’ve learned about them at school, I’m not sure. But she takes her toy airplane and zooms it up above her head, just like the vroom-vrooms in the sky.
  • She loves to dance and sing and clap along to the alphabet song. My mom informed us that I knew my ABCs by the time I was a year and a half old, so now I guess we’d better get D rolling. They’ve obviously sung it at school, for as soon as you begin she knows exactly what you’re singing and joins in. I think it’ll be so fun once she actually knows the letters and can sing along with us.
  • She actually danced with me for the first time the other night. We were heading into the kitchen to eat her supper and I turned on the radio speaker in there. She grabbed both of my hands and started swaying back and forth. And then I had to mop up the puddle into which my heart had melted because I was so happy.
  • She’s still an excellent self-entertainer. She’ll happily sit in her play corner and scoot from toy to toy to book to book and back again for good chunks of time. She reads her books out loud and loves sitting in her chair. It’s the climbing from her chair to the couch that we need to work on stopping. Ahem.
  • She is ridiculously silly. Lately she’s taken to army crawling and scooting around the house, sometime pushing something with her, sometimes just on her own. Last night she was crawling around on her knees pushing her box boat from the living room, through the dining room, into the bedrooms, and back out again. I love watching how playful and goofy she is. She definitely loves to laugh. A girl after my own heart.
  • She loves to get down on the yoga mat with me when I do my push ups and sit ups at night. She’s done this for awhile now, but just the other night she actually grabbed the push up handles we have and used them exactly as they’re supposed to be. I was impressed. This girl’s gonna be ripped!
  • She’s learned to sign “please”, which thrills me. I’ve been trying to get her to do that forever. You know, teaching manners and all. Finally just recently she’s started doing it, and I love it. Combined with the “thank you”s again, this mama couldn’t be prouder.

This girl. I love her so!

 

 

 

 

Do I want my kids to be French?

One of my sisters sent me an excellent article written by Pamela Druckerman for the Wall Street Journal online the other day, and I couldn’t help but immediately want to share it. The full article can be found here. It is pretty lengthy, so I’ll do my best to break it down for you.

The basic gist of it is that French parents have mastered parenting, if you will, with an ease and calm that their American counterparts can often only dream of employing.

Say what? I know.

But before you start throwing freedom fries at me, let me explain the rest of what the article imparts. I think by the end you’ll agree with me that we American parents could actually stand to take a few notes from our cohorts français.

Those of you with children, think for a moment…

Who of us hasn’t

  • Left behind a sea of shredded napkins and salt packets after a meal at a restaurant?
  • Chased a boisterous toddler incessantly around a table/room/floor/building/yard in the hopes of wearing him/her out or simply as a form of entertainment? (i don’t know about you, but rampant toddler-chasing doesn’t rank highly on my list of fun)
  • Lugged around every toy or game imaginable with which to bribe said toddler when needed in exchange for peace and/or good behavior?
  • Given up on saying “No” and just given in to a child’s demands before your sanity was utterly and permanently shattered?

Now, who in the crowd doesn’t want

  • Respectful children who mind their parents from the 1st request, not the 100th?
  • Children who can entertain themselves happily without constant attention?
  • To not have to lose their voice shouting for obedience from their offspring?

So what does Ms. Druckerman suggest we do? I’m so glad you asked. Let’s begin with a little comparison though, again, from the article above.

What French parents are doing:

  • Being involved with their families without being obsessive. Good parents aren’t at the constant beck and call of their kids, but instilling patience and a sense of delayed gratitude in them.
  • Stimulating their kids, but not 24 hours a day.
  • Not suffocating children with a million lessons here and play dates there, but instead letting toddlers do just that – toddle.
  • Setting rigid, unwavering boundaries, but entrusting their children with independence and freedom within those boundaries.

What American parents are doing:

  • Hyperparenting, helicopter parenting, overparenting, “kindergarchy” – basically all up in their kids’ faces all the time.
  • Not being firm and consistent in teaching kids “No”. As such, their children are accustomed to, and usually demand, instant gratification – running around wherever/whenever they want, snacking all day instead of waiting for meal times, generally displaying a “whatever” mentality when it comes to obeying their parents.
  • Allowing their kids to be attention mongers and basically running the show.

Now let me make crystal clear – this obviously is not meant to apply to every single French parent and every single American parent. No, absolutely not. Nor am I implying that it does.

I know there are countless outstanding parents building strong, wholesome families around here, and I’m sure there are just as many shitty French parents who have no idea the meaning of the word. But just from personal experience, I have witnessed enough examples of the American parenting style focused on in this article to agree that this argument does hold some weight.

Ok, so now what do we do about this?

Isn’t that the million dollar question. But fortunately, the suggested answers seem pretty reasonable and downright easy to me:

  • Be stern in your commands to your children. Don’t shout and yell at them, but be convincing and authoritative in your tone.
  • Be consistent. Don’t give up right away when your child says “no” and runs away. You’re the parent – they can learn that.
  • And I think the best advice actually came from my sister herself: “Though I was a quasi-mother for all of three weeks or so, it showed me good reason why parents need to be stern, strong, and straight forward from the get go, all the while still being loving, caring, and comforting.”

Well said, A, well said. I think all parents can agree that those are some good words by which to live.

And no, I don’t want my kids to be French. I just want them to be happy and well-behaved. After reading this article, that really doesn’t sound like much to ask at all.

 

 

I fought the bottle (of milk)… and I won!

It has now been just over 3 weeks since D had her last bottle of milk, so I am happy to confidently report that we are currently a bottle-free house. I haven’t washed a bottle or nipple in 24 days. Wahoo!

Our doctor has been recommending D drop the bottles all together by 18 months (which she turns tomorrow!), but until recently I was scared to even try. We were successful in getting her down to just having them at night – 1, maybe 2, before bedtime if she drank the first one and was still wanting more – but I had no idea how she was going to get to sleep without those. Well, I would usually give her one before naps on weekends, too, so I guess *almost* only at night would be more accurate. Only at sleep time, we’ll say, that’s better.

I didn’t feel like she was ready to drop them completely, and if I’m perfectly honest, I didn’t really want her to drop them either. It’s almost like it was the last vestige of her really being a baby, and I didn’t want that tie to be broken just yet. I didn’t want to give up that bonding time we still had when I would rock her to sleep with her bedtime bottle.

I say we were successful in getting her down to just sleep time bottles – that was probably by December that the morning and random daytime bottles were totally gone (i’m talking bottles at home – she hasn’t had one at daycare since at least last summer). Then we went to Hawaii, and it turned into a bottle free-for-all. We took multiple ones in the diaper bag on the planes to calm her in flight if needed. We gave them to her in the mornings if she wanted them. We gave them to her at the pool before naps so she would snooze in the shade. We took them to restaurants when we went out to lunch and dinner to keep her calm if needed. And yes, we gave them to her at bedtime each night too.

So you see, we totally screwed ourselves there. How was she ever going to give them up now, after we’d just jacked her bottle quotient up higher than it had been in months? The poor girl was in bottle heaven!

We simply went cold turkey, that’s how she gave them up. The week after we got back from Hawaii, I conceded that she could still have 1 bottle, but only 1, and only right before bedtime. If she drank it then didn’t go to sleep, she wouldn’t get another when she finally did go down. That lasted a night or 2, before I realized that if we’re cutting her back down to this level, we may as well try to get rid of the whole shebang.

We started on a Saturday, and the first night sans bottle – terrible. I took her in to her room at bedtime and rocked her while reading a book, because I could tell she was really sleepy. She had her little burp cloth that she likes to hold at bedtime, and we were snuggled in tight in the glider in her room. Eventually she got very squirmy, and I could tell I was in for a struggle. Instead of putting her down, though, I held her in a cradle hold and stood up to bounce/rock her like I did to soothe her when she was really little. She wanted none of it, but I just kept her there, held snugly against my chest so her head was resting in the crook of my arm.

After about 15-20 minutes of the crying cradle hold rock, she was out like a light. R had come in at the start of the cries and told me to just give her a bottle, we’d try again tomorrow, but I insisted on not giving her any more. I knew how tired she was and that she’d eventually give in to sleep, and I was right. I knew you could do it, D.

The second night – cries again, but for a much shorter time. The third night – cries again, but even shorter still. By the middle of that first week of no bottles at bedtime, D knew the routine. We get her rag and book, then go in to rock before going night-night. Sometimes she’ll fall asleep on the couch in R’s lap while he’s watching tv, but most nights I read and rock her. I do usually read and rock her for nap time on weekends too, but she has gotten better about going down without that sometimes.

The first week after dropping the bottles D did wake up during the night a little more often than normal, but that has since diminished as well. This transition turned out to be much less frightening than I expected, which helped my mama heart. D was an absolute trooper, as usual. I figured if she never has bottles at daycare and simply lies down to sleep at nap time for them, she can do it at home too. She proved me right.

What are her favorite bedtime stories, you ask? Right now we like The Little Red Hen and One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. I usually have to read The Little Red Hen a couple times before she falls asleep, but so far I’ve only made it all the way through One Fish, Two Fish once. It’s amazing how quickly you can memorize a children’s book. “Not I! said the duck…”

 

 

Flutter

One little blink, just one blink more…

You woke with fright, shaken to the core.

 

The world is dark at 2am.

But I’m your mommy; here I am.

 

Your cries pierce the air, are in earnest this night.

No little pats to calm down; this time needs the light.

 

Little hands knead, your eyes peek around.

Back and forth we rock, barely making a sound.

 

All the way this time, so you don’t start.

Be still, little one, you are my heart.

 

One little blink, just one blink more…

Before I lay you back in your crib and slip out the door.

 

 

 

 

I’m a Blogmas winner!

You guys, I am beyond flattered and excited to announce that I was a winner in Fadra’s (from all.things.fadra, duh) Blogmas Awards this year!!

No idea what Blogmas is? Well you can check it all out right here. Fadra is amazing, and I’m still blown away by the fact that I was one of her chosen ones this year for the inaugural Blogmas Awards.

And for what did I win, you’re surely wondering? My A mama in the darkness post. Please check it out and see if you agree with Fadra’s assessment.

Thank you, Fadra! And Merry Blogmas, everyone!!

Blogmas Worthy