Cherish the days

That’s going to be my next tattoo. My grandma always says that to me, and I have it in her handwriting. It’s going to run vertically along my line of sea turtles for the kids. When I get around to it…

Fully the past decade of my life has been spent preparing for, having, and raising babies. And yes, I still consider the twins babies, even though they’ve turned 2. They don’t speak in complete sentences; they can’t dress themselves; they can’t make me a cocktail; and they still poop in their pants without warning. Definitely still babies.

But, since they are now 2, I’ve begun to wake up a little and see the world around me again not just as a pregnant/new mom, but as a regular person. And lately, that, unfortunately, has put me in a frequent state of comparison – houses, travels, other ways of and standings in life in general. Materialistic and superficial, yes, I am well aware, but it happens nonetheless.

There is a particular street in our village that is my absolute dream – the homes are enormous, the yards are equally huge and immaculate, it looks like you’re in a forest, and it feels about 8 million miles away from our area, when in reality we’re roughly a mile apart. I told Ryan maybe someday we can sell both our houses and look for a spread over there. Even that would probably still be a stretch.

I think comparing oneself and life to others is fairly common, but it just gets so damn annoying. I know I’ve said this here before, but as far back as I can remember I’ve always felt just a little different than everyone else, always just kind of out of place. I’ve never been able to place why, and it’s odd how many times people say “Me, too!” when I say that because I’ve always looked at everyone else as being the “they” with whom I and others compare ourselves. So to hear people say they’ve felt the exact same way and know exactly what I’m talking about seems crazy to me. I’d love to walk through every single day thinking my space in this world is absolutely perfect, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, and there’s not one thing else I should be doing, but that’s easier said than done when we’re constantly surrounded by massive amounts of wealth that will probably always make me feel “less than,” no matter how happy I am. And I am, actually, truly happy. Just wondering, that’s all. Does a little comparison ever completely end? Is it human nature, or am I just weird?

A friend said to me the other night that he admires how I’m always going through life with a smile. I was completely surprised, yet flattered, and said well how am I supposed to be, angry at all the “could have beens” all the time? I feel like it’s better to go through life not just looking at the cup as being half full but having that half full part be overflowingly full. Sure I could’ve stayed in NYC, been a multi-multi-millionaire by now, and be living in a ridiculously expensive luxury penthouse in Manhattan, but I didn’t. I knew there was no way Ryan would have stayed out there permanently, I didn’t really want to either, it would have been impossible to raise a family there the way we’re raising ours, and I honestly hated my job more than just about anything I’ve ever hated in my life. I realized the second I started working out there that everyone around me cared solely about money, and that’s not me. There is SO much more to life that they were constantly missing. Having money is definitely a good thing, but it’s not the only thing.

And without me and Ryan being us, none of our kids would be here; and they pretty much are my life. Yes we live in a too-small house with too many kids and we don’t get to do everything that everyone else gets to do or go everywhere that everyone else gets to go or have everything that everyone else gets to have, but they don’t get to have our kids and the love and fun we have with them, either. Our 5 children are healthy, they’re happy, they have fun in the now and the everyday, they don’t really want for anything, and for that simple fact I am so grateful. So that’s why I smile. Because although it isn’t much right now to most people, it’s everything to me. It’s mine. It’s the “what is,” not “what should be.” I really do cherish the days with my whole heart.

And when our house is finally done, it will be practically double the size it is now. The kids will be able to run upstairs to their room, something I’ve always wanted in a home. I am fully aware that the size of one’s house is not the be-all and end-all in life, but with a family of 7, a little more breathing room will be nice.

All right, there are my mind’s ramblings for the day. Sorry it’s not a post full of pictures of the kids again, but it’s good to let my brain dump every once in a while. I used to do that all the time on here, but then we had all those kids mentioned above and life filled up and the house filled up and so did my head. Don’t worry, it’s slowly starting to come back to normal. Then watch out, Dream Drive, here we come! Just kidding, I’ll just be over here arranging furniture in our new upstairs instead. 😉

My boy

Morrison has been my little buddy since the day he was born, but it’s shown itself even more this year since he started school. I like to think it’s because he misses me during the mornings while he’s at school, or maybe it’s because I miss him during the mornings while he’s at school.

He absolutely adores playing with the twins, which is the most heartwarming thing I could have hoped to happen when we added 2 more kids to our family at once. There has never been an ounce of jealousy from him or any feeling of isolation when attention focuses on the twins. He jumps in and tries to help in the ways he knows how. Which can sometimes be a little much when I’m just trying to get them to stop screaming, but which are usually spot on. And it’s obvious that the twins love him to the moon and back. The 3 of them chase each other around laughing uncontrollably, and no matter how crabby I may be in those moments, I can’t help but just laugh right along with them. The cuteness is overwhelming. And of course his heart swells when he plays with his big sisters, whom he adores equally as much. He’s the middle.

He has a heart of pure gold. His teachers have told me numerous times how wonderful he is at school, how sweet he is to everyone, and how good of a friend he is. He is particularly helpful with one of the special needs friends in his class, and his main teacher told me how amazing he is with this student in particular – always making sure he’s included and can get to or do whatever everyone else is doing; always helping him in their little groups; always sharing. She thanked me for raising such a great kid and said to keep doing whatever I’m doing, but that’s just it with Morrison. I’m really not doing anything – this is all him and his beautiful little spirit.

He’s one of the happiest, most cheerful kids I’ve ever known. Sure he has his meltdowns and still cries sometimes when he doesn’t get his way or his sisters aren’t letting him do whatever, but in general, he is incredibly joyful. He comes out of their room every morning with a sleepy, “Good morning, Mama,” and a hug for me. Except that one morning after a night Packers game where my daily greeting was replaced with, “Go Pack Go.” I’ll let that one slide. 😉 But he is constantly giggling, laughing, bouncing and skipping around, and his little smile is ridiculously infectious.

He loves school with his entire being. He had no hiccups starting this year whatsoever, and I think it’s because he was already so familiar with the place, having been going there literally his whole life. Now it was finally his turn to get to go in with his sisters, and he couldn’t wait. He comes bounding out the doors every day with an excitement that hasn’t wavered since the very first day in September. I get the best running hug you can even imagine.

He has an amazing knack for numbers that has developed these past couple months. Just tonight he counted to 115 for me and didn’t get one number wrong! He rattles off address numbers as we drive down the street; he loves sports (he just started tennis lessons, too), always asks if there are any games on to watch that day, then constantly updates you on the score of the games; he keeps track of the time on any clock with precision. It’s really impressive, and I’ve taken to calling him “Stats” because of it. But man, for a 4 year old, he is so good. He knows double- and triple-digit numbers, knows some addition and subtraction already, and is always surprising me with how much he knows.

This boy. Morrison John. My boy. For as much as I fully expected a third girl to come out on his birthday, I cannot imagine life without him as him. It definitely wouldn’t be as special as it is now. I love him with every single fiber of my being and feel so lucky to be his Mama.

These days

These days are full of burp rags and 2 a.m. feedings; diaper after diaper after diaper and tiny baby snuggles.

Watching them take in this whole new world with wide, innocent, beautiful eyes. Something new to them every day, each piece filling my heart more and more.

These days are full of wiping 3-year-old buns and filling milk cups; taking breakfast and lunch orders and cleaning off hands and faces.

Figuring out when to let them try it and when to keep doing it myself. Knowing they want to learn and grow but selfishly wanting them to stay my babies forever. Trying to raise them to be good, kind, strong adults while making sure they live childhood fully.

I tell them constantly – enjoy every single day and year as a kid, because once you’re a grownup, you’re a grownup for the rest of your life. Being a kid is so much more fun!

These days are full of “Mama, watch me,” and “Mama, know what?” and “Mama, can I have that?” and “Mama,” “Mama,” “Mama.”

And I try to answer each and every one, because I know someday I’ll hear it no more.

These days are full of giving back pacifiers and rubbing tiny noses, soothing and calming just by being near.

These days are full of onesies and strollers and bikes and dolls and toys and imagination and creation and fun. Even the really, really long days. Start over in the morning, look back, and I can always see the fun. They’re kids. They do.

These days are full of laundry and messes and cleaning and laundry and messes and cleaning. But they’re mine, and I get to do them. I don’t have to wait until after work or on the weekend.

These days are full of one more kiss when I go to bed. They’re always deep in sleep and smell warm. Like these long summer days of play.

These days are rarely my own and are almost completely for these 5 incredible, magical, wonderful little faces. But that alone makes me ridiculously happy.

 




The monkeys are definitely out!

We’re reaching the end of the first week of summer vacation, and it’s off to a great start!

Personally, I love summer vacation, what with the total lack of schedules since I cherish our lazy days and don’t make the kids do tons of activities and lessons in the summer. People keep saying oh man, how are you going to manage all 5 at home this summer, and I just politely smile and nod and think psshht, I got this. Just like any other day.

Lana finished up K4 the day before Della finished 2nd grade, and they both had such wonderful years. I can’t believe Lana’s first full year of school is already over!

But to kick off our summer break I’ve already taken all 5 of them on a run, we got the big 3 signed up for the summer reading program at the library, they had a picnic lunch in the backyard, the girls have both created and started filling nature drawing binders, the girls are also loving the daily entries in their summer bridge workbooks (a sure sign it’s still early in the summer since Della has never wanted to finish it by the time school starts up again), we’ve played at the school playground where Della and I raced on the monkey bars (totally a tie!), and Ryan’s taken them to various parks a couple times plus out to lunch. He’s home for 4 weeks right now finishing his paternity leave from the twins and working on the attic. Plus we play with friends every day. And by playing with friends, I mean all the kids run around together while the parents enjoy cocktails.

We also sold the little wooden playhouse we’ve had in the backyard since Lana was born. The girls were outgrowing it, even though they all still played in it a lot, but they all voted to set up a new picnic area in that space instead of fixing up the playhouse. So away it went, with us all waving goodbye to a good little friend. Fortunately we are all enjoying what I like to call my new cocktail lounge very much.

We’re going on a family trip up north next week, and we’re all really looking forward to that. Summer is here, and life is good!

 




Deck the halls

And all that jazz…

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Our tree is up, tiny, and perfect for this year. I wanted a small one so Morrison doesn’t constantly trip and fall into the thing, ruining umpteen ornaments. Next year we’ll probably be back to full size. I think it turned out splendidly.

I’m pretty sure this is the earliest I’ve had all of our Christmas decorations up, and it feels great. Now we can just sit back, enjoy them, and soak in the spirit of the season.

Happy holidays, everyone!




Please don’t go!

I cannot believe today is the last day of summer vacation and we have to start the school routine all over again tomorrow. Waaahhh!!! Della is so totally excited to get back to school and start 1st grade, but I am so not ready for summer to end. It is my absolute favorite time of the year, and this one has been especially good. Why must all good things end so soon??

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We kicked off the summer in high gear, as I explained just over 2 months ago in this post. Then came week after week of playing with friends; runs and bike rides; trips to the library and fountain; visiting the beach to make sand castles, look for sea glass, and picnic; and just generally enjoying the hot, sunny days to the fullest. No lessons, no schedules, no commitments, just fun.

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The 4th of July is always a fun celebration in Whitefish Bay, and this year was no different. All the kids love to go up to watch the parade and collect as much candy as their little arms can possibly carry. Ryan and I saw a couple concerts at Summerfest, which were great since I hadn’t been in a couple years, and Morrison went to his first Brewers game, a milestone occasion.

2016 4th #4

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The kids and I had a wonderful vacation in Canada, which was extra nice this year since we missed getting up there last summer after Morrison was born and we went out to Colorado for my sister’s wedding. We drove up with my mom and stayed on the island for almost 2 weeks with my sister, brother-in-law, and niece and nephew. The kids absolutely adored being up there, and all 3 turned into the best little water bugs by the end of the trip. I actually got to enjoy some peace, quiet, and sunshine during nap times, and I read more in those 2 weeks than I have in at least 2 years. I was almost as sad to see that vacation end as I am to see this summer end. (i could fill an entire post with pictures from that trip, but this selection will do for now)

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Then this last part of the summer during August has just been a whole lot of relaxing and playing around here, with a trip back to the Wisconsin State Fair thrown in for good measure. Today we went for one last run together as a crew of 4, then down to the beach to look for more sea glass. Unfortunately, the waves were bigger than I’ve ever seen them down there and it was way too dangerous for the kids to go near the water. Not to mention there was no beach on which to search today since the waves came up so high. So the girls were bummed, but I promised them we can go back down this weekend to check again. I so cherish my days home with all 3 kids, and I’m going to miss having Della around with us all day when she goes back to school tomorrow.

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We met her teacher last night at meet and greet and she does seem awesome, though, so I think Della is going to have a very fun year. They have a travel theme in their classroom, and Mrs. Tauscher (d’s teacher this year) said they’re going to travel all around the world, learning tons of new things as they go. They even have little construction paper passports with their pictures in them that they get to stamp all year, so that got Della very excited. And I was put at ease yet again to know that she’ll be in such good hands all day when she’s out of mine.

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So cheers, Summer of 2016! You were an amazing couple of months, and I will miss you dearly. Hopefully this transition back into the school routine and the coming cooler months won’t be too hard for me, because I truly yearn for your sunshine and warmth all during our long, dreary days of winter around here. I will be eagerly awaiting the arrival of your cousin, Summer of 2017, in roughly 280 days!

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Summer vacation!

School’s out, school’s out! The night before the last day of K5…

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Della has been out of school for a week and a half now, and it has been so great! I absolutely adore having all 3 of these munchkins with me all day again, and it’s so much fun to see especially how Della entertains herself all day. I got her a summer workbook for kids going from K5 to 1st grade and she loves it. She’s also already made her K5 teacher, Mrs. Murphy, a card and a couple pictures that we mailed her last week. Seeing how much she grew and thrived this past school year was incredible, and I’m so excited to watch her passion for learning continue in the years ahead. Can you even believe how big she’s getting??

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We started off this summer vacation with a bang, too. On the very first day off last week we went for a run (Della’s first one joining us on her bike this season), went to the library to sign all 3 up for the summer reading program (yes, even morrison gets to participate in the read-to-me part and get a free book at the end), walked over to check out and throw wish pennies into the fountain, and the girls had a picnic lunch in the backyard.

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Since then, we’ve been to the zoo, Bookworm Gardens, playing in the sprinkler, and generally enjoying days without too many schedules.

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The summer weather is in full swing, so the kids are always outside playing with their friends. And the parents are out together having a glass of wine or a beer, so it’s a win-win. I love summer and am thoroughly embracing every single day of this one!

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